i wished you would ask about me-

i wished i would not have to endure your sudden realisations of what i mean to you

after listening out for you.

this cycle drains me yet again, that it no longer feels like a change.

your fleeting distractions,

as your thought falls away to your pain

your troubles

tears in your eyes

i wished i could feel more about your pain

but this is all too familiar

i am numbed and jealous,

will i ever be able to reveal that much to you?

i dont want your caress,

your touch of appreciation,

i do not need that kind of comfort.

you say your friend told you not to let others get to you,

not to let them affect you,

and your life,

but have you ever thought how they affect the people around you?

i tried to utter

but i stopped and restrict

for fear of your rejections when you while away in your thoughts

i fear having to repeat

having to summon up the strength to gain your attention

i fear your unintentional dismissals

your negligence- i fear to face it.

my family a fragile structure

i always knew inwardly someday it might crumble

but who would ignite it?

i used to think it would be father,

but right now i do not know-

could be anyone.


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