i wished you would ask about me-
i wished i would not have to endure your sudden realisations of what i mean to you
after listening out for you.
this cycle drains me yet again, that it no longer feels like a change.
your fleeting distractions,
as your thought falls away to your pain
tears in your eyes
i wished i could feel more about your pain
but this is all too familiar
i am numbed and jealous,
will i ever be able to reveal that much to you?
i dont want your caress,
your touch of appreciation,
i do not need that kind of comfort.
you say your friend told you not to let others get to you,
not to let them affect you,
and your life,
but have you ever thought how they affect the people around you?
i tried to utter
but i stopped and restrict
for fear of your rejections when you while away in your thoughts
i fear having to repeat
having to summon up the strength to gain your attention
i fear your unintentional dismissals
your negligence- i fear to face it.
my family a fragile structure
i always knew inwardly someday it might crumble
but who would ignite it?
i used to think it would be father,
but right now i do not know-
could be anyone.