the child in us

my child,
i have always let you take the wheel
bringing me to places
even though you had no license.

you had me strapped at the back
as you navigate the streets
with lost and wild eyes.
but today, let mummy take the wheel.

I will bring you to places I love,
go swimming and eat birthday cakes
watch the rainbows and clouds ahead
making up for lost time.

dear child,
i’m sorry that the house i build for you is in darkness
i’m sorry i brew hatred for your bedtime stories
i’m sorry for silencing your wails
i’m sorry for force feeding you words
and supposed strength
into that tiny body of yours
i’m sorry
i forget you were a child.

a child
with feeble arms
stretched out for a hug
who yearns for attention
in no offensive ways
who knows vulnerability by the heart
not the word
who is trusting
who meets love for the first time
and you could never stop liking the sweet taste
of love.

but love betrays.
love deceives.
but that is not love child,
its manipulation in disguise,
its violence cloaked in goodwill.

child, you were too young
too bright
to understand.
i’m sorry for not understanding.

i forgive you,
my girl,
i forgive you too.

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